Grown-up Gap Yah

Budapest’s House of Terrors is a museum to two murderous regimes that occupied Hungary and the people they murdered. It’s located in the building that was the headquarters for the German Nazis, then the Arrow Cross (the Hungarian fascists) and finally Soviet State Security. Through objects, sound, music, lighting and video the museum tells the story of these reigns of terror, evoking a real feeling of tension and fear without being gratuitous or exploitative. It brought to life the terrors many Hungarian people experienced during the war and under Soviet control. It tended to focus on Hungarian resistance rather than collaboration and reflected how the two totalitarian regimes from different political extremes used such similar murderous methods.

The black car of the Soviet secret police

Towards the end of the exhibition, we were taken into the original cellars of the building where thousands of people were incarcerated, tortured and killed. One of the great strengths of the museum is that throughout it focused on repeating the names, and sharing the images, of the people who lost their lives. It closed with a video of the final Soviet troops leaving Budapest in 1991- and stating that all the lost died for the country’s hard won freedom. Small wonder that in 2022, there are Ukrainian flags displayed everywhere across the city.

This was a harrowing experience, but one of the best museums I have visited. Go if you get a chance, but remember it’s closed on a Monday.

After our onerous day of chores, you’ll no doubt be thrilled to hear that we are recuperating in the Mystery Hotel in Budapest. It’s a relatively recent conversion of a historic Freemason’s Hall and it is fab-u-lous. High ceilings, big rooms, quirky but cool decor, an exceptional breakfast buffet, and a roof terrace overlooking the city. There’s also a spa, but I may well have accidentally spent my exceptional-below-the-line spa budget last week.

Budapest is as beautiful as I remembered. Our waiter rather dismissively said that all the big central European cities like Prague, Vienna and Budapest were all pretty similar. It’s true that they’re all elegant, historic and great to visit- but I think they all have rather different flavours. With its wide boulevards and riverside embankments, Budapest feels much more open and spacious than Prague. The van definitely appreciated the extra road width, it was way less stress negotiating the junctions, I only squealed twice – a record low, and we found a parking place directly outside the hotel. Result.

We spent the first evening doing the usual quick wander to get our bearings, then had supper on the hotel’s glorious roof terrace. Glorious, but chilly. Very, very chilly- but it was worth it for the sunset.

Buda biking

We booked a bike tour to get an overview of the city. Laslo our guide was a historian, philosopher, psychologist and frustrated comedian. He took us on a leisurely exploration of the Pest side of the Budapest. There was more chat than pedalling, but it was a great insight into the history of Hungary, the language and the culture. Tomorrow we explore Buda, on the other side of the river.

The thing about van life is that there’s always a job to do if you want to avoid descending into chaos. All the usual home chores like washing up, laundry and cleaning still have to be completed. In a cramped space, with none of the right equipment. It’s like playing in a toy kitchen at nursery school.

Today, we were living the domestic dream washing, tidying and sorting. It’s all glamour this van life. We spent the morning reclaiming the van. It looked like there had been a controlled explosion under the storage boxes and the van appears to have eaten up all of my socks. Calm has been restored, for the moment at least.

Gas guesstimates

We’re heading to Budapest next- but after that we’re in the van for at least ten days, travelling across Romania and Bulgaria, much of it in smaller towns. Nothing is booked <shudder> and we don’t have a clear understanding of what we can buy and what facilities to expect. So, instead of embracing our usual policy of lighting the gas and hoping for the best, we used a more scientific approach. We weighed the canister with a luggage-pulley-thingy and then referred to a graph to get the gas content. It came to 60%, which is bizarre considering we’ve used it for most of last summer- but what could possibly go wrong? ( I won’t mention my mathematical blip in Karlovy Vary when I got my exchange rates out by a factor of ten, and ended up paying £100 instead of £10 for my facial!) It may well be salads all the way for the next week or so.

Next stop Budapest where I went on my very last trip abroad before the pandemic. I loved the city then and can’t wait to share it with Mr G.

It turns out we weren’t the only people who thought it was a good idea to visit Vienna on a sunny bank holiday weekend when the Easter markets are in full swing. Shocking, I know. The Austrian capital was rammed to the rafters, with queues outside most museums, churches and, rather more upsettingly, grand cafes and bars. Mozart said:

‘For just to be in Vienna is entertainment enough.’

Which may be right, but we have sights to see, and Kaffee und Kuchen to sample. We added an extra night’s stay in Vienna so that we could take things at a more leisurely pace.

In the end, it was less of a Viennese whirl and more of a gentle waltz. But I was so pleased with the title, I’ve left it as it is- call it artistic licence. Sorry Bratislava, you’ve been pushed back to our later-life crisis.

Hitting the old town

We explored the beautiful old town on a walking tour using the app GPSmycity. It showed us the way, shared all the key information and we could take it at our own pace, popping in to any sites that appealed along the way. The only problem is that me and Mr G are a little overly focused on ticking off the sights. We were so busy ogling the chocolate cakes at the legendary Sacher Cafe that we totally missed the Vienna State Opera immediately behind us. And believe me, it’s not a small building!

Rock me Amadeus

We both love nosing around houses seeing how people used to live. So, the Mozart House was a must see. He’d lived in one floor of the house and wrote The Marriage of Figaro there. Considering he was a rock star of his time, and at the very top of his earning potential, his apartment was pretty small. Yes, he gambled and had a penchant for fine clothing but he certainly didn’t seem to be living it large like Jay Z We’ve been inspired to rewatch the 1984 film Amadeus tonight to find out more.

On a manic weekend, there was no way to get tickets for the legendary Spanish Riding School, so we had to make do with visiting the stables so that Mr G could absorb the dressage energy.

Vienna is home to the oldest theme park in the world. We took in the Prater and had a sedate whirl on the Wiener Riesenrad, a sort-of old-school London Eye that opened in 1896. It gave great views of the city, although Mr G spent much of the journey wondering why the structure didn’t collapse, which didn’t make for a relaxing ride.

We braved the queues to visit the Hofburg Palace, Sisi Museum and the Imperial Apartments, which displayed the opulence and excesses of the Habsburg monarchy. To be honest, it was much the same as visiting royal apartments or stately homes in the UK- they all knew how to splash the cash on gilt, mirrors and absurdly ornate furniture.

The whole museum was ridiculously busy, it reminded me of trying to leave after watching Adele headline at Glastonbury. I had my nose pushed into so many Austrian armpits that I was tempted to dive off a dais so the crowd would carry me to the exit. With the heat, the jostling and the FFP2 masks I was in too much of a lather to take in much- just a few of the dresses and jewels, which were magnificent. We definitely needed kaffee und kuchen to recover our composure. Maybe we should try Vienna again on a wet week in November.

Quick campsite comment:

We stayed at Camping Neue Donau in the north-east of Vienna. Some of the reviews were SAVAGE, so we approached with caution. On balance, we thought the bad bits were balanced out by its easy access into the centre of Vienna, helped by the wonderful Viennese underground system.

The good bits: It’s less than half an hour into the very heart of the city. We walked to the underground station in under 15 minutes- and we were at the very far end of the site. The showers, loos etc were clean, there was plenty of hot water and free tumble dryers.

The bad bits: You’re huddled quite close together, with not much -well, OK, no privacy. There’s a shop and cafe but they only open in July and August. There are lots of roads around the site- it’s not quite Spaghetti Junction, but it’s not far off! In reviews, some people complained of noise- we didn’t find it too bad, but it’s something to consider when picking your plot.

Waze took us the scenic route from Prague to Vienna, so we got an intimate view of some very narrow lanes, steep hills and tiny villages- beautiful but tiring for the chief van driver and all the twisty turns disturbed the chief passenger’s rest!

We pulled into our campsite in South Vienna, and it was sunny and 24C. Yes, you read that right, there is no decimal point missing. Spring has officially sprung in central Europe. Is it an early gift from the Easter bunny? Mr G was very excited to wipe down the van, put on some shorts and fire up the Cadac. I was very excited to rock out my new solar-powered fairy lights and get the chance to showcase a few more teal van accessories. Each to their own.

Wine and nibbles in the sun

Tomorrow we’re off to explore Vienna, which our daughter Megs famously described as a bit of a dump- wish us luck!!!

Prague is the eighth stop on the road to Istanbul, and it’s another hiatus in a hotel. I know it seems rather soon after our last hotel stop, in fact it is rather soon- but it’s not because we’re wimps, oh no. We tried to schedule hotel breaks in big central or eastern European cities because you get lots more bang for your hotel buck. Our van mini-breaks are in Prague, Budapest and Istanbul where the hotels are gorgeous and great value. The only exception is Lake Como on our thirtieth wedding anniversary in May, which Mr G describes as a below-the-line exceptional cost that I can apparently squirrel away in a separate section of the spreadsheet. This is a new term for me and I intend to use it OFTEN when discussing the household budget in the future. How much were those shoes? Oh they were a below-the-line exceptional cost Mr G.

Of course, it was Sod’s law that as we pulled into Prague it was 16 degrees and glorious sunshine- perfect weather to pull out the van awning, the sun chairs, the fairy lights (sorry Mr G) and the Cadac gas BBQ. However, it’s also perfect weather for a Bridget Jones style mini-break in Prague, so we tucked the teal-mobile into an, allegedly, secure car park on the outskirts of Prague and made our way to our hotel in the heart of the old town.

I feel foolish describing Prague because you’ve probably been there. It’s one of the most popular European cities for a weekend visit, and when talking to friends, it seemed like we were the only people who hadn’t visited the Czech city. But if, like us, you’ve missed out, it is simply stunning. Narrow cobbled streets, beautiful architecture and the Vltava river winding through. Unlike many of the European cities we have visited, much of the old town appears relatively unscarred by war and development. Our hotel, the Emblem, was stylish and tucked away on a quiet road in the old town. The perfect location for two days of hard-core sight-seeing.

Two days in Prague

I’m a sucker for a ‘What to do in 48 hours in <insert city name>’ guide. So Mr G and I yomped around Prague ticking off essential places and experiences, very grateful that most guides recommend regular breaks to sample Czech food, beer or hot chocolate. The only off-list detour was searching for new insoles to cushion my poor, aching feet after hammering out 22,000 steps a day on cobblestones.

Evening one

We spent the evening getting our bearings and exploring the area around the hotel. We started off visiting Old Town Square and watching the 12 Apostles move as the Astronomical Clock struck the hour. It was a Monday and loads of weekenders were still around, so we had to dodge large groups of stag parties frantically downing beers but even that didn’t detract from the surroundings.

We popped into St Nicholas Church and then had a beer in a sunny square watching the people go by. In the evening, the crowds had totally disappeared, so our top tip is to try and visit mid-week if you possibly can, it was way less manic.

Day two

We wandered through the Old Town and across the Charles Bridge. No need for maps, the crowds of people carried us along. A sunny walk across the river led us to the Art Noveaux Cafe Savoy for brunch. I’d really recommend this grand cafe – great surroundings, amazing pastries and omelettes and way cheaper than breakfast in our hotel.

We climbed the many, many steps to Prague Castle and explored the surrounding area but couldn’t face the endless queues so booked tickets online to return the next day. Instead we made our way across town to Wenceslas Square and ascended the Powder Tower which provided fabulous views of the city.

In the evening we again followed in Daniel Craig’s footsteps and ate at Kampa Park, a restaurant that’s right on the river near Charles Bridge. It was recommended by a friend who lived in Prague ( thanks Elizabeth) and I’ll pass on the tip. The food- especially the fish and seafood-was delicious and the views of the bridge and the river were extraordinary.

Day three

We had our ‘ Skip the line Prague Castle tickets’ and we were good to go. I had my new silicone insoles, so skipped up the steep cobbled steps ( not really, it was another slow haul) and we explored what is apparently the largest Medieval castle area in the world in what surely is record time! The views were mind-blowing and we loved the Golden Lane which was like a Czech St Fagan’s (apologies to non-Welsh readers- it’s a museum with recreated houses showing how people used to live) even if the doorways and rooms were more suited to shorties like me than those of Mr G’s proportions.

We had lunch in the elegant Jewish quarter and then put our feet up for a boat trip down the river and along some of the back canals and waterways called the Devil’s Channel. I’m not usually a fan of a boat trip after some seriously dodgy river boat discos during my student days, but this was short, smooth, sunny and a great excuse not to walk up any more steps!

Quick hotel comment:

The good bits: The Emblem hotel was stylish and brilliantly located, we could walk everywhere and it was only a minute away from Old Town Square but on a quiet side street. The rooms were large, the beds were big and comfy and the bathrooms had a bath to wallow in- essential for me after ten days in the van.

The bad bits: The rooms were very good value, but everything else- bar, breakfast etc- was right at the very top end for Prague prices.

When we were planning our route across Germany, Mr G was very keen to include Dresden. It was a few hundred kilometres off the route, so I was a bit meh, but < takes a deep breath and grits teeth> he was absolutely right.

Dresden used to be known as the Jewel Box of Germany because of its beautiful Baroque architecture-and, against all odds, it remains a gem. The city centre was practically destroyed by allied bombing during the second world war. The black and white images of rubble filled streets in 1945 are shocking; very little was left standing and it’s estimated that 25,000 people died. Under the Soviet regime there was limited rebuilding or restoration, the people had to live among the ruins of the formerly magnificent capital of Saxony.

After reunification, Germany has totally renovated Dresden. They have done an extraordinary job. In comparison with the UK rebuilding of cities like Hull, Swansea and Coventry, the new blends beautifully with the old. The recently constructed houses, hotels and squares all have the proportions of the old town, without being a pastiche. The Schloss, Zwinger and Frauenkirche are magnificent, but they also reflect their turbulent histories. Modern stonemasons have repaired the damage without hiding their restoration. We’d definitely like to come back to explore more.

We had lunch in a great little restaurant just off the Neumarkt, not far from the Frauenkirche. The Hofbrau zur Frauenkirche was warm, friendly and filled with locals. The food was reasonable, delicious and the staff wore lederhosen- what’s not to like?

Quick campsite comment:

We stayed at Camping Platz Wostra, just outside Dresden centre. Well, when I say just outside it was around 8 miles away, but we’ve started to realise that there are always compromises with city camping. If you want space and good facilities, you’re really unlikely to be two minutes from the hot spots! Hopefully, later on our journey we’ll be able to camp in the wild on the side of lakes, beaches or mountains- but at the moment it’s more important to be able to nip to the loos without collapsing from hypothermia!

https://www.dresden.de/de/leben/sport-und-freizeit/sport/campingplatz.php?pk_campaign=Shortcut&pk_kwd=campingplatz

The good bits: It’s cheap (E22.5), clean, practically empty and the shower facilities and loos are excellent. Public transport is decent, we got a bus and a train to Dresden which took about 30 minutes.

The bad bits: It’s quite far from the city, we couldn’t find many shops or facilities nearby- it’s kind of bland but functional.

When we embarked on this journey we had never heard of Karlovy Vary. It came up on a Mumsnet thread when I was researching and planning our route and it was a genuinely fantastic find- note to Mr G-planning does have benefits over being all easy-breezy.

Karlovy Vary is a beautiful spa town, where people have travelled to take the thermal spring waters for centuries. It’s like a Czech Bath or Harrogate, but it seems to have maintained a much more active spa tradition than the British spa towns.

Karlovy Vary hugs the sides of the Tepla river. All along the riverside there are thermal spas and springs with- what Mr Google informs me are-hotels of neo-Classical, neo-Baroque and neo-Renaissance design. We strolled (yes, it was definitely more of a promenade than our usual yomp) into town along the river, and took a swig of the healing waters, then had a coffee and a macaron to get rid of the rank eggy taste.

Our hotel was the Grand Hotel Pupp, an absolute Grande Dame of a spa hotel. It was a filming location for Casino Royale and one of the inspirations for the Grand Hotel Budapest. The hotel was vast, I did 9,000 steps just trying to find my way to the spa and back, and the reception rooms were stunning with high ceilings, lavish chandeliers and intricate plasterwork. More importantly-after our first week of van life in unseasonal sleet, snow and gales-it had everything we wanted: a big bed with a squishy duvet, piles of white fluffy towels, hot pools and baths, and a rather lovely cocktail bar.

No pain, no gain

When I imagined a central European health spa, I pictured the sort of place James Bond went to eradicate all his free radicals. The Pupp Spa was more glamorous than clinical but it did tick some James-Bond-style-spa-retreat boxes by having many German tourists of a certain age marching around in white robes, mud baths and salt caves to suck out toxins, and several scary-looking therapists.

My facial was INTENSE. It was about as relaxing as a session with the dental hygienist. There was none of the usual lying back with a face mask listening to soothing, tinkly music. My facialist took to my skin with sadistic gusto. I’m glad my eyesight is failing with age because I would hate to see all the gubbins she found in my pores on a daily basis. She steamed, sandblasted and then proceeded to squeeze what must be a hundred blackheads. That’s impressive in a teenager, let alone a 54 year old who has had a course of roaccutane. At the end I was expecting to look like Samantha from Sex and the City after her deep peel, but I actually just looked pink and shiny like a little, freshly boiled lobster.

Mr Bond I presume

In the evening we ate where Bond and Vesper dined in Casino Royale. The food was fabulous and the setting was even better. We left feeling refreshed and ready to get back in the van and back on the road. Next stop Dresden.

Quick hotel comment:

The Grand Hotel Pupp was an old-school, elegant spa hotel.

The good bits: We had the lowest standard room, but it was still spacious, and well appointed. Spa access was included with the room. The bars and restaurants were all great and pretty reasonably priced for this quality of hotel. We could park the van outside, nestled between many smart German sports cars!

The bad bits: The pool area had few loungers and most were reserved by people who seemed to have popped out of the spa for an hour or three. The relaxation and meditation pools had babies and toddlers in. The spa prices are similar to top UK spas, on balance I don’t think the facilities were quite as good as places like Ragdale or Seaham Hall.

Or should that be planes, buses and vans? I flew back into Prague and planned to meet Mr G at our next destination, Karlovy Vary, a spa town 100km from the Czech Capital.

I was feeling smugly organised having bought my train ticket online and arrived at the train station with ample time to spare. Which was a good thing, because like a total travel numpty I’d actually booked a ticket for a sort of Czech Mega Bus from a completely different station. A hasty- and rather panicky -relocation and I made it onto the coach with minutes to spare.

The bus ticket was £7 including wifi and all the hot chocolate and coffee you could drink. It was an absolute bargain price for a clean coach with comfy seats that got me to Karlovy Vary in under two hours, ahead of schedule. Who needs trains anyway?

During our #icecoldinistanbul journey, we’ve planned to spend some nights in hotels or Airbnbs to enjoy a hot bath/restore body and mind/stop me and Mr G killing each other. The first night was in the Grand Hotel Pupp, a rather fabulous and historic spa hotel . It was pre-planned and booked (honestly!) and had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that it was snowing as we pulled into Karlovy Vary. When, oh when, will spring come to central Europe?