When we embarked on this journey we had never heard of Karlovy Vary. It came up on a Mumsnet thread when I was researching and planning our route and it was a genuinely fantastic find- note to Mr G-planning does have benefits over being all easy-breezy.

Karlovy Vary is a beautiful spa town, where people have travelled to take the thermal spring waters for centuries. It’s like a Czech Bath or Harrogate, but it seems to have maintained a much more active spa tradition than the British spa towns.

Karlovy Vary hugs the sides of the Tepla river. All along the riverside there are thermal spas and springs with- what Mr Google informs me are-hotels of neo-Classical, neo-Baroque and neo-Renaissance design. We strolled (yes, it was definitely more of a promenade than our usual yomp) into town along the river, and took a swig of the healing waters, then had a coffee and a macaron to get rid of the rank eggy taste.

Our hotel was the Grand Hotel Pupp, an absolute Grande Dame of a spa hotel. It was a filming location for Casino Royale and one of the inspirations for the Grand Hotel Budapest. The hotel was vast, I did 9,000 steps just trying to find my way to the spa and back, and the reception rooms were stunning with high ceilings, lavish chandeliers and intricate plasterwork. More importantly-after our first week of van life in unseasonal sleet, snow and gales-it had everything we wanted: a big bed with a squishy duvet, piles of white fluffy towels, hot pools and baths, and a rather lovely cocktail bar.

No pain, no gain

When I imagined a central European health spa, I pictured the sort of place James Bond went to eradicate all his free radicals. The Pupp Spa was more glamorous than clinical but it did tick some James-Bond-style-spa-retreat boxes by having many German tourists of a certain age marching around in white robes, mud baths and salt caves to suck out toxins, and several scary-looking therapists.

My facial was INTENSE. It was about as relaxing as a session with the dental hygienist. There was none of the usual lying back with a face mask listening to soothing, tinkly music. My facialist took to my skin with sadistic gusto. I’m glad my eyesight is failing with age because I would hate to see all the gubbins she found in my pores on a daily basis. She steamed, sandblasted and then proceeded to squeeze what must be a hundred blackheads. That’s impressive in a teenager, let alone a 54 year old who has had a course of roaccutane. At the end I was expecting to look like Samantha from Sex and the City after her deep peel, but I actually just looked pink and shiny like a little, freshly boiled lobster.

Mr Bond I presume

In the evening we ate where Bond and Vesper dined in Casino Royale. The food was fabulous and the setting was even better. We left feeling refreshed and ready to get back in the van and back on the road. Next stop Dresden.

Quick hotel comment:

The Grand Hotel Pupp was an old-school, elegant spa hotel.

The good bits: We had the lowest standard room, but it was still spacious, and well appointed. Spa access was included with the room. The bars and restaurants were all great and pretty reasonably priced for this quality of hotel. We could park the van outside, nestled between many smart German sports cars!

The bad bits: The pool area had few loungers and most were reserved by people who seemed to have popped out of the spa for an hour or three. The relaxation and meditation pools had babies and toddlers in. The spa prices are similar to top UK spas, on balance I don’t think the facilities were quite as good as places like Ragdale or Seaham Hall.